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Under the strict protocols of Gallifrey I am not allowed to reveal the full mystery of the hieroglyphs that appeared in the streets of north St Margarets a week or two ago apart from saying that Gallifrey is a binary star system located 250 million light years from Earth. It is also the home of Dr Who and the Time Lords.

The only other thing that I can tell you is an alien was definitely involved in this story, exactly as suspected in the previous article - and a nasty piece of work it is too. This alien is not one of the popular “Exterminate!” aliens, “Take Me To Your Leader!” aliens, “Phone Home” aliens! This alien is invisible, virulent, deadly and worst of all - there are hyper millions of them around and there’s probably some of them knocking about in your neck of the woods even as you read this. This alien is called Covid-19, a.k.a Coronavirus.

The story however starts in a friendly, old fashioned, alien free, kind of way…

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Once upon a time there was a friendly Senior Highway Engineer called, let’s say “Duni”, who works for the binary borough of Richmond and Wandsworth. (Notice the connection with Gallifrey?) One of his jobs is to walk around the borough streets checking on road surfaces, drainage systems and the general appearance of our thoroughfares. Usually Duni is accompanied by an agent from the maintenance company who actually do the work that needs doing. Let us call this agent “Dave” because that is his name. Working in this binary manner (Gallifrey again!) allows Dave and Duni to look at the job together, discuss what needs doing and how much should be budgeted for the work, however…

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With the unexpected arrival of the alien in the spring Duni and Dave decided, in the name of social distancing, not to inspect the streets together. Instead, Duni would make it a solo effort, leaving any instructions for Dave and the maintenance company written out as hieroglyphics and messages… thus the Nasca like patterns that have so foxed residents. Dave would then be able to inspect the streets on his own and work out from the messages and hieroglyphics what needs doing. This assumes of course that the binary council of Richmond and Wandsworth has enough money left after the expenditure following the Covuid-19 pandemic to pay for it. This is the situation that we are in now. Duni has inspected the roads and left his cryptic instructions. We are now waiting for Dave, the maintenance agent, to come and work out what needs doing. He may have done this already! Dave is a humanoid and for that matter, so is Duni.

The mystery is solved!

FOOTNOTES:-

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  1. Neither Duni or Dave are aliens although it is an alien force that has brought them to this sorry state of affairs.
  2. The hieroglyphics and messages are written in biodegradable paint and in time will disappear in the rain. If only Corvid-19 would do the same.
  3. There are thousands of “Duni” and “Dave” binary combos around the country keeping our roads safe and accessible - so the next time you see a couple of strange people outside your gaff studying the tarmac whilst maintaining social distance don’t call the police!

– from Martyn Day